12 Practical Ways to Love the Single People in Your Life

I hate to admit it, but I get nervous when one of my close friends has a positive life change. Of course I am thrilled for them as they enter a relationship, get married, or have babies. But there is also a piece of me that questions, “Do you still care about me, even though our lives look very different now?”

With some friends, no amount of big life changes could tear us apart. With other friendships, I feel as if I have been left coughing up fumes as the person sped off into their new life never to look back.

When two people are in different seasons of life, what are the differences in their lives that either make them grow together or grow apart? As in all relationships there are two sides, but today I am going to focus on the non-single side of a non-single relationship to a single (don’t worry, the other side will be coming soon!). To you non-singles, this could be a single you have been friends with for years, a family member, a new person at church, or really any single you come into contact with and want to show Jesus’ love. You have so much power to help singles heal from past hurts, feel empowered in their dreams, and feel the abundant blessings of true Christian community.

Here is my list of “Do’s” and “Don’ts” for loving single people in your life:

THE DO’S

1) CARE ABOUT WHERE SINGLES ARE IN THEIR LIVES

As a single, sometimes it feels like all non-singles care about is my dating life (or lack of dating life). Ask singles questions like “How is work going?” ,“How are your pets?” , “What fun things have you done lately?” or pretty much anything about their lives that does not involve dating. Singles are human beings, not dating machines. Listen to what is going on in their lives and follow up with them. If they have a big meeting or test coming up, text them on that day encouraging them.

2) INVITE THEM

Do not make assumptions that just because a person is single, they do not want to celebrate your kid’s birthday or be somewhere that is mostly couples. If you stopped being invited to events, you would feel left out and so do singles. Let them make the decision if they want to come or not. Do not decide for them.

3) PRAY FOR THEM

Being single is hard so we REALLY need your prayers. Trusting in God’s plan, fighting worldly pressure and temptation, and believing the depth of God’s love for them, are just a few ideas of what you can be praying for for your single. Even better, ask your single how you can pray for them.

4) CARE ABOUT THEIR DREAMS

Ask your single what their dreams are and encourage them to pursue those dreams. My non-single friends have been pivotal in encouraging me in the dreams that were tucked away in my heart. We singles do not have a significant other to dream with, so supporting and encouraging us can do wonders in helping us find and follow God’s calling for our lives.

5) CELEBRATE THEM (AND WITH THEM)

As singles get older, it is hard to not think, “Another birthday is going by, I’m getting older, and I’m still single.” or if you are a single woman desiring children it may even be “and now that is one less year I can have kids.” Help singles see their birthday as a positive event. Send them a card, get them a present, or throw them a celebration to make them feel special. Holidays are also a hard time for singles as they see couples celebrating everywhere. Make sure to include them in plans (even better, ask them what they want to do), give them food, presents, or a note to help them remember they are special during the holidays.

6) PICK THEM UP

I took Kung Fu classes because I often found myself walking downtown alone at night to meet up with a group. Especially for women, we singles have to park our car and meet up with a group of people. I’ve avoided events because I didn’t want to walk by myself at night. Save us some stress and offer to pick us up or carpool.

7) SEE IF THEY NEED HELP

For every single this can look different. For me, being a small female makes it very hard to lift heavy things. One time I threw out my back by rolling a new mattress up the stairs. Make sure your singles know you are there to help them whether its moving, explaining retirement plans, helping them with transportation when their car needs to get fixed, watching a pet when they are out of town, or any other way. As a single, I often feel like I am burdening other people when I ask for help, so make sure to give assurance that you can help your singles.

8) HUG THEM (OPTIONAL)

This one is very dependent on your single. If they don’t seem like they are going to cringe if you hug them, hug them when you see them. Before I went to my current church (which is a very huggy church) I used to go months without any physical contact with another human. Think of how that feels. It’s not great.

THE DON’T’S

1) DON’T SET THEM UP

You know how many people have tried to set me up with someone they know? Everyone. You know how many people now know the deep dark secrets about the person they set me up with that made me not date them. A lot.

Singles need community and friendship, and we need that independently of people trying to change our relationship status. When you try to set up a single (unless they want it) it can feel like someone is saying “your life isn’t good enough right now, so I need to make it better.”

2) DON’T ACT LIKE SINGLE LIFE IS EASIER THAN NON-SINGLE LIFE

“Oh just wait until you are married or have kids, then your life will be way harder!” Yes marriage and kids are INSANELY difficult, but I have talked to people who think singleness is just a giant block of free time where we can do whatever we want. Not. True. At. All. In marriage, you have a partner. As singles we do absolutely everything from working full time to managing finances to landscaping to cooking to wrapping presents for birthdays. By myself, if I am not on my game all the time, I won’t eat or have electricity because there is no one for me to fall back on if I don’t take care of those tasks. No, I do not have nights of staying up because of a crying baby, but I do have nights of staying up very late to finish a project for work, or I am presenting in international meetings that end in the early hours of the morning. A lot of singles also pursue extra dreams they are working at as well as volunteering. Singles are just as busy as non-singles, just in a different way. So please don’t act like our lives are so much easier than yours because of all the free time we apparently have. Otherwise, please tell me where all of my free time is hiding :)

3) DON’T ACT LIKE THEY NEED TO GET MARRIED OR HAVE KIDS

You should encourage singles exactly where they are in life. God has them there for a purpose. God also encourages singleness in the Bible! Let me say that again, because I’m not sure that the church knows this: God encourages singleness in the Bible!

Singles are exactly where God wants them to be so don’t make them feel like they are missing out or incomplete by saying they need marriage or kids.

4) DON’T GIVE THEM BAD SINGLE ADVICE

“You will find the right person when you stop looking” ,“Your standards are too high” , etc. are not helpful. Encourage singles in God’s Word, not with bad and false advice.

I hope this list helps you love and encourage your singles! My married friends have been a cornerstone to my happiness in singleness as you can be to the single people in your life. I will cover the other side of these relationships (how singles can grow with non-singles) soon!